Enroll your child in our two week camping retreat and build an impenetrable wall of snide cynicism and flippant sarcasm that even the most skillful media propagandist will be loathe to confront.
Your overwhelming reaction to last year's groundbreaking success at our Anarkids retreat has encouraged us to bring it back again this year with double the crass and twice the sass !
Due to the inordinate amount of litter and damage to park property at last year's event there will be a non-refundable down payment of $150 per child to cover the costs of potential vandalism or destruction . All of which is encouraged by the camp coordinators. We want to immerse your little hellion in the true experience of rebellion and give him or her a lasting impression of reckless abandon that will empower them later in life when confronted with the soul-crushing realities of the corporate chain gang. Don't shackle your child to a future of spineless obedience . Enroll 'em today !
Don't let the stink of corruption soil your precious darlings.
All of the camps activities blend artistic skills with a healthy dose of social hooliganism. We feel these are important abilities that the average public education is sorely missing. Music has all but been eradicated from school funding across the country and last year's hugely successful program 'Media Remix' from the Anarkids Music Dept. shows that there is something missing from the dull , hive-mind curriculum currently passed off as teaching. This program was especially popular with the older kids who got to try out some of the high tech equipment in the Anarkids studio. Campers laid down beats coupled with clips from all of politic's most exciting scandals and controversies. The winners from last year's Media Remix Showdown all received a pair of pants and a t shirt 5 times too large for them and a collection of old hats once worn by legendary rapper Kool Moe Dee. Clips from their entries can be heard by clicking the links below.
2nd Place - Da Googlin'
Another program brought back for this year is 'Hung Jury'. This is a multi-faceted program that teaches kids about the ineptitude of the United States court system versus the unwavering power of the court of public opinion. Groups of kids are separated into 'juries' who are each shown clips of news broadcasts from around the country about a particular political figure who has brought out the scum-seeking bloodhounds of the press by way of their own unscrupulous behavior. The juries will then confer amongst themselves and decide to convict or acquit. Their answers will be cross-checked with results from the actual court cases involved. The results of those cases are completely meaningless however as the children have , so far, convicted 100% of the suspects . After sentencing, the groups cooperate in making paper machet likenesses of the corrupted officials in the Anarkids art room . These effigy's are then hung down the central path to the Mess Hall where they are routinely pelted with sloppy joe's and pudding ... flan on Tuesdays.
There will be another field trip this year as well ; however, the details of this trip , tentatively called 'Operation Backyard Tea Party' , have not been cleared for dissemination. Suffice to say the party is Boston style and involves swimming pools. Sponsored by Starbucks.
We have a new program for the tots to enjoy this time around called 'Spin the Bottle'. No , it's not what you think. We leave those awkward moments to the whims of fate. In this game the kids take turns drawing slips of paper from a large bottle which are inscribed with a question on one side. On the other is a rebuttal that has absolutely nothing to do with the adjoining question. The children then race against the clock and each other to see who can spin the question to an unrelated topic most fluidly , just like a real politician . (contest judged by *crapplause meter)
Your child could be a future ANP incumbent and make change in the world so you don't have to !
*crapplause meter : Each child in the audience is provided a whoopie cushion that he or she forcefully deflates to cast a vote for their chosen contestant. The resulting comical cacophony is recorded by a computer and then promptly disregarded as the contestants are judged by a panel of self gratifying power hungry filanderers. Just like real voting. Wow ! That's so meta !